Hello, darkness, my old friend

I have struggled with depression since my late teens. At first, I didn’t recognize it as what it was. I assumed everyone was faking happiness. You may notice a theme if you have been following along for a while. Whenever there is something in my life I don’t want to deal with, I will assume that everyone thinks/behaves/feels the same way. It’s a real problem.

When I began dealing with my gender dysphoria and began getting it under control with my transition, the depression became front and center. Moving that large, all-consuming gender dysphoria left a hole in my brain, and the depression was able to surface. Because I have a great therapist, I was able to talk through those new feelings with her. Talking helped me realize what those feelings were and then devise a plan for dealing with them. For me, it was medication. I visited my primary care physician, and he got me on Lexapro.

The meds have made a vast difference in my life. Sure, I still have bad days and slumps. But those slumps are much shorter, and the bad days are less harmful to my psyche. Meds have moved the baseline.

I don’t think meds are for everyone. Some people need someone to listen and work through the issues. For others, meds will be the answer. No one can “just be happy” when they’re dealing with depression.

So, if you’re sitting at home wondering if everyone is faking happiness, they’re not. I encourage you to find someone willing to listen and preferably has some training to help you work through whatever issues you’re currently facing.